I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
i drank out of a bidet.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
