whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
