I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Randomize
