she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
