just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize