i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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