He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
