So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
