i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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