I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
