I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
she smelled like a LAN party
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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