I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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