hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
