Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
