ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
