This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
third nipple confirmed
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
