just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
