you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
