And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
