I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
