Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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