this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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