his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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