It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
It's never too late to be topless.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
