what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I can't turn off my feet"
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
