I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
My vagina is officially offended.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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