I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
