I wish I only lived at night.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
