I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
In America we eat man semen.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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