WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Randomize
