I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
