He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Randomize
