party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
