I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Randomize
