Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
