Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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