Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
