Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
