Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Randomize
