I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
