chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
