This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Randomize