I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
