all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
