I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
