I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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