I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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