If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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