God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
We talked him into tasing himself.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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