i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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