Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
