I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
