Ambien. No doubt about it.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
