I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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