so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
