i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
