we're chasing vodka with high fives
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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