dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
