I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
