Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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