Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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