It's like a parade of train wrecks.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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