i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
