I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
