it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
