This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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