You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
