I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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