Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i wish my penis had a tongue
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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