Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
