I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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