Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
what is it with giant penises always finding me
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
40s are totally the cure
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
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