I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Randomize
