We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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